Flowing International Students

The overseas study enables me to meet very different people with a more opened mind. While I come to find that it’s almost not possible to make friends from these people. The more difficult thing is that everyone is thinking where to position himself/herself, where to go to next, where can I find the sense of home, etc. To be short, people abroad can hardly or cannot find the sense of belonging.

Sense of Flowing

I have been in Finland for 2 years till now, while how many friends do I have? I sometimes cannot answer since the understanding and definition of friend seem so different in Finland and in China, I am not sure if I can define a person as friend. I’d like to say no other friends except three or one local friends and my girlfriend, which means almost no one international friend, no Chinese friend.

I had lots of temporary international friends. For example, I spent very good time in the first few months in Finland with few German friends, I miss those days sometimes also. By living at Paawola, I got friend from Pakistan, Kenya, India, Italy, etc. I also had friend from Czech republic, Turkey, Estonia during the study, and etc. While these people are on the flow, they were just in Finland for half year or one year, or 3 years at most. The friends seem to be only valid within certain period. Everyone is struggling a lot with lots of problems. Besides, there is great cultural and information barrier among people from different countries, which makes it too difficult to deepen the understanding or even the actual talking. It’s always a phenomenon to see the international people to spend most time and get most friends from the people from their own countries.

I also feel sad and surprised that I haven’t got a Chinese friend even. The problem is due to our changes, especially my changes in the opinions, values, and preferences. Everyone abroad is changing, even we are from the same country, people become so lonely and independent and even hard to meet. Even they are not physically far from me, while I know nothing of them and feel they are in another world, and we have no any connection at all.

Some opinions and ideas are always in the conflict in mind. For example, I feel being asked should I spend time and attention to make friend from foreign students, since they just stay here for short? Does this Finnish thing related to me? Does the big news in China relate to me? What should I care? Who can understand me? Is it possible to get into Finnish circle? Is it really possible to have a normal, stable Finnish friend? Why people in China seem to not understand me at all? How can I get close to a Finn? and etc. These conflicts are all just because I am abroad.

To sum up, people abroad are struggling for lots of practical problems, and more difficult thing, for the sense of belonging and home, visa extension, etc. Everyone is like a single boat on the sea, you don’t know what a wave of water would come, where you will go to, how long can you be with a friend, etc. People in such case can only care their own and be pilot for their own life. Everyone may leave at some point for various reasons, thus, friends are only valid within some period.

 

Learning Swimming in Finland

My hometown in China is in the mainland, where there is no sea or even regular river, so, for the people living there, it’s not so urgent to be able to swim. Plus that my family members were worried of drowning of the kid, I was not allowed to swim when I was young. In China, especially in my home province, where the Yangtze river flows, many kids were reported to be drowned in the swimming, parents are worried of the kids going to the water.

Because of this background, I am also scared of water, especially the lake and sea. While my girlfriend tried hard to drag me to learn swimming, saying that swimming in Finland is the most basic skill. It can be understood since there are so many lakes in Finland, people need to be able to swim for survival even. Swimming is also an exercise.

I was struggling in mind when she tried to take me to swim, thinking what if I get drown or even die in the water, etc. But I also told myself, it was a pity that I didn’t stay enough in the water when I was little kid, and swimming can be a skill to rescue myself and others in the future if possible. And why not try something I dared not to do in China? So, I went to the swimming pool with her.

We go swimming once per week and around 3h per time. I have gone for 3 times by far, Saara is a good teacher for my swimming, and I am learning fast, I think. More importantly, I enjoy it! and enjoy the sauna there also! I also come to find swimming is not as difficult so I thought. Let’s see when I can swim well independently.

So, it was really a struggle to do something you didn’t dare to do before and try something new, but the new thing can also bring you something good you didn’t know.

 

 

 

 

 

芬兰桑拿

背景与概况

现在大家所熟知的桑拿，最初起源于芬兰。桑拿在芬兰有很久的历史，有记载的资料可以追溯到16世纪。中世纪期间，汗蒸在欧洲流行。具体说芬兰什么时候开始有桑拿，也很难有可靠的资料，其中一个原因是芬兰位于强大的俄国和瑞典王国中间，在这两大强国面前，芬兰的影响也往往被忽略，所以很多生活、文化方面没有被广泛了解。

当然，桑拿能很早出现在芬兰和北欧各国，和北欧漫长的严寒冬天有直接关系。在以前生活条件差的时候，人们为了度过长达半年的寒冬和不见阳光的抑郁孤独，急需一种能给人温暖的装载，因此，火炉很早出现，也形成了人们围着火炉取暖的习惯。后来渐渐发展成一个独立是房间用来炉子取暖，也就是现在桑拿房的雏形。在以前，桑拿房也是一个家的核心区。图1是现代化在城镇的桑拿房，完全木质，桑拿房大小可自己设计，一般私人家里的桑拿房可容纳4人，在墙角是一个电炉，往石块洒水，在电能作用下散热，一般桑拿蒸汽温度70-100度，温度计也是桑拿房装置之一。农村的桑拿的炉子有些是用木炭取代电能，通过烧木炭生热。

现代芬兰生活里，桑拿房已经是居民屋里不可缺少的一部分，就像每家不能没有厨房一样。人们修建房子往往先考虑设计桑拿房。550万人口的芬兰有各种桑拿房200多万个，蒸桑拿是芬兰人普遍最热爱的活动之一。一到芬兰，在赫尔辛基机场就能体验芬兰桑拿。

A Sauna Room in Finland

芬兰桑拿规则和民俗

1）桑拿物品？桑拿房外面连着一个冲凉洗澡房间，再外面一般是个更衣室。如果在桑拿房里太热，可以冲凉一下，私人衣物等在更衣室。一般不能带进玻璃品物品（例如酒杯、眼镜等），一般也是一丝不挂进桑拿房，加一条浴巾，如果木凳太热，可以用来垫着。另外，冲凉洗澡用品，例如沐浴露等。但，决不能有拍照！这也是本文没有桑拿照片的原因。很多人都会带罐装啤酒，蒸桑拿喝啤酒是一大享受，桑拿出汗也需要补充水分。

2）裸。习俗上，芬兰的桑拿是全裸的。在私人家里的桑拿，家人之间一起蒸桑拿是促进感情的很好方式，无所谓年纪与性别。小孩从小和父母一起桑拿，也习惯了这方式。这也是对中国人、亚洲人很大一个文化冲击，和家人之间、不同辈分人之间赤裸相对。在商业的公共桑拿地方，一般男女分开，也可以混合，朋友之间男女混合的更多。很多外国人很难适应这活动，芬兰人平常很冷静、表现冷漠、人与人之间空间距离和心理距离都很大，但是唯独在桑拿房赤裸相对时候与人感觉很亲近。我经历很多次这样桑拿，也有切身同样体会，在桑拿房里和芬兰人感觉更亲近、聊天更容易。芬兰人可以和任何人，包括陌生人一起桑拿，但也理解一些外国人不适应，也能接受外国人穿内裤进桑拿房。

3）与性无关。可能中国读者比较会考虑的是这个，芬兰的桑拿房在文化上是个圣洁地方，以前年代，孕妇可以在桑拿房生孩子，因为高温杀菌，更清洁。桑拿对芬兰人，不仅是身体的放松和清新、促进血液循环，也是精神的放松与享受。是不能有任何性相关事情的，笔者也经历很多次，从没出现过这样事。对于中国人，这也是个文化问题，芬兰人对身体的认识和中国人很不同，其次，裸体也和性活动是两回事。

4）所有人。桑拿是对所有人开放的，特别是商业公共桑拿。无论是10岁孩子、20岁大姑娘、50岁大叔，也无论你的职位是总统、校长、学生，无论身体高矮胖瘦等等，都可以一起桑拿。有心脏病、伤口的人不适合蒸桑拿。

5）桑拿邀请。如果你被芬兰人邀请去家里桑拿或者一起桑拿，这是关系亲密或者亲近的表现。类似中国人请客吃饭拉近关系的意思。对芬兰人来说，很多重要的决定不是在会议上做出，而是在桑拿房。

6）自由。在桑拿里，没有规则限定比如隔多长时间要对炉子洒水一次、多久出去冲凉一次等等，这些因人而异。有人能在桑拿房里待很久，有人待不了几分钟。

7）社交。到现在，桑拿房已经不只是放松身体的地方，也是重要社交场合。在桑拿中和陌生人更容易交谈、更容易拉近距离和营造和谐气氛。

8）桑拿房外。乡村的桑拿房一般建在湖边。在夏天，桑拿出来后可以直接去湖里游泳。在冬天，桑拿出来，可以在冰水里游泳或者在雪地里翻滚玩耍。听起来很可怕，但芬兰人就这么玩。

我的经历

本校每学期开学有次学生集体桑拿，算是欢迎新生的仪式，每学期结束前也一次，作为欢送外国学生和毕业生的仪式。在中国，这种欢迎和欢送可能是聚餐或者在KTV等。芬兰学生组织安排这活动，也是让外国学生体验这芬兰特色活动。混合桑拿里，就能看到芬兰人无论男女都是全裸，其他国家男的多全裸，而外国女生没有。这活动我一次不落，但其他亚洲人很少去，中国女生没有。因为害羞，文化约束人。可见很多外国人是很难适应和理解。另外，我居住的地方是外国学生集中区域，每栋公寓楼也有桑拿房，但外国人去桑拿的并不多，可能也是很难感受芬兰人对芬兰的那种热爱和享受。

2015年仲夏节，和一朋友去她芬兰父母家，在乡村。一进门，简单招呼后就热情安排和他们家人一起桑拿，有孩子、成年人、男女混合。这就像中国人用酒席招待客人一样意思。桑拿后，就发现和他们家人融洽很多了。

和岳父桑拿也是有趣的事，在中国可能根本不能发生。前文也说到，被邀请去桑拿是关系特别的体现。确实，在桑拿中，大家没有掩饰，人和人更亲近更坦诚，很多话题容易谈开，这些都比平时更容易。

我的经验体会

1）桑拿是很放松和享受的活动，也是我在芬兰最喜欢的活动之一。桑拿过后耳目一新的清新感和清净感非常享受。2）桑拿是最好的社交机会，芬兰人平时内敛、害羞、不爱说话、人与人距离大，不好交涉，在酒吧容易说话，但人不是清醒的，只有在桑拿里，人既清醒又享受又容易交往，而且人与人很亲切亲近的感受。3）赤裸相对让人更亲近。欧洲人在一些地方有些裸体活动，例如在一些沙滩、在一些森林体验人与自然的亲近，桑拿可以理解为室内的这样一种活动吧。这种亲近，不关乎男女性别、不关乎年纪隔阂或者职业等等社会因素，就是人作为独立个体之间最自然的亲近。4）对于身为外国人，突破自己文化框架约束，能给自己带来一种豁然开阔的自由感。